10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High-Tech World: How Parents Can Stop Smartphones, Social Media, and Gaming from Taking Over Their Children’s Lives

By Seyi Olukoya

Parenting today often feels like an uphill battle, with technology invading every corner of our kids’ lives. From the rise of social media addiction to the growing mental health crisis among children and teens, parents are grappling with how they can create a healthy, balanced relationship with technology for their kids.

Preventing smartphones, social media, and gaming from taking over children’s lives is a common concern for parents today. It’s about finding a balance between the benefits of technology and the potential harms of overuse. Here are some key strategies and tips for parents:

1. Set Clear Rules and Boundaries

Create a Family Media Plan: Work together as a family to create a formal agreement that outlines rules for device usage. This can include:
- Screen time limits: How much time is allowed per day or week.
- Tech-free zones: Designate certain areas or times as phone-free, such as during meals, in bedrooms at night, or when doing homework.
- Device curfews: Set a time when all devices must be put away for the night to ensure better sleep.
Establish a “No Phones in the Bedroom” Rule: The presence of a phone in the bedroom can disrupt sleep, which is crucial for a child’s mental and physical health.

2. Use Technology to Your Advantage

Implement Parental Controls: Use built-in parental controls on devices, gaming consoles, and apps to monitor, filter, and limit content and screen time.
Talk About Online Safety: Teach your children about the risks of the online world, including cyberbullying, inappropriate content, and online predators. Let them know they can always come to you if they encounter something concerning.

3. Encourage and Model Healthy Behavior

Promote Offline Activities: Encourage your child to pursue hobbies and activities that don’t involve screens. This could include sports, reading, playing an instrument, art, or spending time outdoors.
Lead by Example: Be mindful of your own technology use. Put your phone away during family time, meals, and other opportunities for connection. Your children will learn from your behavior.
Encourage Face-to-Face Interaction: Plan activities that involve in-person social interaction with friends and family. This helps them develop essential social skills.

4. Foster Open Communication and Trust

Talk, Don’t Just Monitor: Have regular, open-minded conversations with your children about their online lives. Ask them what they enjoy about social media or games, and how they feel when they use them.
Be Curious, Not Furious: Approach conversations with curiosity and a non-judgmental attitude. This builds trust and makes it more likely that your child will come to you for help when they need it.
Help Them Understand the “Why”: Explain the reasons behind your rules. Help them understand the concepts of “screen fatigue” and the connection between technology overuse and mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

5. Consider a Phased Approach to Technology

Delay Giving a Smartphone: The right age for a first smartphone is a personal decision, but many experts suggest delaying it until a child is mature enough to handle the responsibility.
Start with Limited Access: When you do introduce devices, start with limited access and gradually increase privileges as your child demonstrates responsible usage. This is also where a family media plan can be useful for outlining a progression of freedom.

Jean Twenge, PhD, award-winning professor of psychology and author of the “lavishly informative” (The New York Times) Generations,returns with a concrete and accessible guide to raising resilient, successful, happy children in a time of overwhelming technological intrusion.
He provides the much-needed playbook parents have been asking for. Drawing on her decades as a psychologist studying the impact of technology and mental health and her personal experience as the mother of three teenagers.

Twenge offers ten actionable rules for raising independent and well-rounded children. From setting “No Social Media Until 16” boundaries to creating no-phone zones like bedrooms and family dinners, these rules are grounded in evidence yet simple enough to incorporate into any family routine.

The psychologist and author has designed a system to be a practical guide for parents navigating the challenges of raising children in the digital age.

Based on previews and summaries, the book outlines ten actionable rules, grounded in research and her experience as a mother. While the full book is not yet released, some of the key themes and rules that have been highlighted include:

You’re in charge: Reaffirming the parent’s role in setting and enforcing boundaries.
No electronic devices in the bedroom overnight: Emphasizing the importance of protecting a child’s sleep from digital distractions.
No social media until 16—or later: Arguing for delaying a child’s exposure to social media platforms.
First phones should be basic phones: Suggesting that a child’s first phone doesn’t need to be a smartphone with all its features.
Give the first smartphone with the driver’s license: A specific, concrete rule for when to introduce a smartphone.
Use parental controls: Advocating for the use of technology to manage technology.
Create no-phone zones: Establishing specific times and places where phones are not allowed, such as at dinner.
Give your kids real-world freedom: Encouraging parents to provide opportunities for independent, offline activities.
Beware the laptop—and the gaming console, and the tablet, and…: A reminder that the issue is not just smartphones, but all screens.
Advocate for no phones during the school day: Highlighting the need to work with schools to create a less distracted learning environment.

The book is praised for providing a clear, evidence-based “playbook” for parents who are concerned about the link between technology overuse and rising mental health issues in children and teens. It’s intended to empower parents with the tools to help their kids become resilient, well-rounded adults.